ODD DUCKS

One of the things you get used to when you get bit by the genealogy bug is that many people think you're a bit of an odd duck.  I have to admit, I share that view to some extent.  I've been to genealogy conferences and some of those people are a bit odd.  Not all, of course.  Not me, of course!  Or maybe I am.

I certainly was not interested in genealogy when my dad was all caught up in it.  I thought I had better things to do with my time, or maybe they were just more urgent:  going to work, raising children, welcoming grandchildren, remodeling my house.  But once my parents were both gone, my only brother having died over 40 years before, I began to feel a little untethered to the past and my family - what we call in psychology the "family of origin."  Of course I had my husband, children and grandchildren, but since the age of 10, I've been mostly disconnected from my aunts, uncles, cousins, etc.  A few visits, a few letters, some correspondence relayed from relatives to me through my parents, but no contact on a  day to day or at least regular basis.  No feeling of being part of something larger. 

And that started to feel very lonely. 

So I got out my dad's genealogy charts and notes and went to town.  And it has become an addiction, one that has gained me some wonderful cousins I never knew I had - cousins who share my philosophy of life, my political views, and my interests.  Some have surprised me in that regard.  Other cousins may not share all of my views, but they are fun and interesting and I love talking to them.  I think my life would be poorer without them - it's certainly richer with them. 

One think I have noticed among some relatives and friends who share my interest in genealogy is that most (though not all) of us are in similar circumstances - separated from other family by distance, or coming from a smaller family.  Those who come from larger families, or those who see cousins and other family members on a regular basis, don't seem as interested.  We all tend to be older as well.  I don't think genealogy is something younger people have time for.  They're too busy living their lives to think about the past. 

Trying to gather all the data I need to make this family history book as comprehensive and complete as possible means that I have to contact a lot of people I don't know.  I worry that I'm bothering these people, especially since I know some of them have little interest in family history.  As I sit down to write each letter, I wonder if they'll respond or simply throw the letter away.  Will they think my request is legitimate, or will they worry that I'm a fraud and simply want to steal their identity?  Will they brush off my request as something they care very little about, or will they simply humor me by answering my questions, or better, will they actually welcome the letter? 

Most of them have had a positive response. Some have actually enjoyed our new connection.  A few have not replied, and I can't blame them.  As I said, there was a time when this would have meant nothing to me, and perhaps it means nothing to them. As I said, there are those of us who love genealogy and those of us who think genealogists are odd ducks.  When you have lots of contact with family on a daily basis (whether it's your parents, children, siblings, nieces, nephews, or cousins)  you are probably going to be less interested.  Family is right there every day, so why search for more?

The same seems to be true for Europeans vs. Americans.  I don't know the actual statistics on how many Americans vs. non-Americans sign up to build a family tree on ancestry.com, but my guess is that far more Americans do.  When I was in Ireland 18 months ago, I noticed that the Irish seemed uninterested in genealogy. Now maybe that is because so many of their records have been destroyed that they could find very little even if they tried, but it may also be because most of them live in the same townlands where their ancestors lived, and all they have to do is visit the nearest cemetery to remember their family members.  We Americans, on the other hand, have only been living here a few generations and there is a great curiosity about the land where our ancestors lived. 

Knowing this - that so many people I contact help me out even when they have little interest in genealogy - is touching to me.  I'm sure it is a bit of an annoyance for some, but they help out nonetheless.  There are a few, though, who seem overjoyed when they get my letter.  I cherish the new connections I have with them. 

And just yesterday, I got a letter from a woman I feared I might never hear from.  Am 89 year old woman who was my dad's 2nd cousin and a friend of my mother (it's a small town) - a woman who has 12 children, 31 grandchildren, and 21 great grandchildren.  And she not only sent me a lovely note, she gave me the names of every one of her family members.  She really  made my day! 

So if someone contacts you that asks for  help with a genealogy project, even if you think they're an odd duck, help them out. They are usually coming from a place like me, one of a severe shortage of family members.  And if you are on the other end and are looking for your family, never give up. Reach out, write letters, send emails, take a chance that someone will write back.  Because when they do, it's magic and suddenly, you don't feel so odd or alone. 

MORE CONTACTS WITH BRENNAN DESCENDANTS

It has been a good week.  Besides my children coming to visit for my husband's retirement celebration, I have heard from a number of Brennan descendants. 

First, I heard from the ex-wife of a deceased Brennan descendant.  She did not have to call me after I wrote her a letter, but she did.  I didn't think I could laugh so much with someone I had never met.  She was such a fun and delightful person, and she had some pretty funny stories to tell me - some that could never be included in a family history book.  Though she had been divorced from this descendant, she still had fond memories of him and of his family. 

As I type this, I'm waiting for a call from another wife of a deceased Brennan descendant. 

My paid research at the Family History Library did not produce any new information.  Several hundred dollars for nothing.  But in the meantime, I took a chance and sent a letter to someone I thought might be a descendant of Mary Ann Brennan, the eldest child of Ned and Mary Brennan, the original immigrants from Ireland.  She was the correct person, put me in touch with another descendant, and I'm on my way to finally learning something about this  lost (to me, at least) family. 

And several family members suggested I sign up for Facebook to connect with other family members.  I had joined Facebook several years ago but terminated my account for a number of reasons, including spending too much time on the computer reading posts from friends and family  members.  I really didn't need to know who was eating at what restaurant at any given time, who was having a bad day, whose children were acting up, who  wanted to argue about politics, religion, or whatever.

So I was reluctant to begin again, but I did.  I signed up under my maiden name so my Brennan relatives would at least have a clue as to who I was.  I plan on using this particular account just to correspond with my Brennan, Mueller, Schulien and other relatives.   Since I have never met some of them, or may have met them once as a child, I was worried that they would ignore my friend request.  But using the name Brennan seems to have done the trick and every family member I have reached out to has accepted my friend request, while others have sent me a request.  It is wonderful getting to know a little about them. 

So I'm connecting with members of a very large Irish family, as well as some of my German relatives from my mom's side of the family.  Soon the book will be written, and everyone in the Brennan family will know what I know - the result of over 5 years of research, building upon the decade of research my father did before that.  I'm really pleased, and so excited to meet so many wonderful people that are part of my family.